Failure...What To Call This?

Everyday I Try My Best To Not Get Into Anything. To Not Be In Vain But Be Focused On My Future And Slowly Revealing The Extravagant Person That I Am. I Guess Because Of This Stoned Mindset I Have...I Feel The Need To Just Never Allow Any Type Of Disrespectn To Go My Way. I Just Can't See Past The Past ! You Know I Always Used To Say How My Parents Are Always Going Back To The Past To Make Present Judgements And Decisions...But I See Now This Very Moment That I Am Doing The Same Exact Thing. It Is The Way I Build My Personal Ethics...&& I Am Now Beginning To Feel As If It Is Destroying Me. I Am Destroying Myself...Or Am I Really? I Don't Know ! I Do Not Feel As If Any Of My Actions Were WRONG. I Know Right From Wrong. && I Know My RIGHTS ! && I Highly Treasure The Respect I Have For Myself ! Especially Due To The Fact That I Have Just Received Respect For Myself. Maybe I Am Just Doing It The Wrong Way...Or WHAT? I Don't Have A Clue ! Why Must Me Protecting Myself Turn Out To Be The Worst Moments Of My Life ! Am I Handling It Wrong? I Don't Understand. I Mean Everytime I Think Of Myself I Do Think Of The Past. The Past Is Still There And Will Never Go Away Or Be Forgotton. So It Is Basically Haunting Me. Yet It Motivates Me So Damn Much. I Just Want To Have An Ease And Relief For These Next Couple Of Years I Have To Reach My Highest Potential. It Is Here And Is Just Waiting To Come Out ! But You Know I Just Keep Thinking About My Past. It Just Saddens Me. I Never Thought That I Would Be The Type To Go Through These Things...It Is Just Totally Unbelievable. You Can Tell I Am A Very Strong Individual. The Things I Were Going Through Usually Result In Totally Failure. I Always Catch Myself Sometimes You Know? I Know When Something Even If It Is Me In A Violation Of My Ethics. I Just Know It ! Do I Get The Routine From My Parents? I Mean...Do I? Cause It Sure Does Seem Like It ! && This Is Why We Will Never Be One. Though I Understand Their Perspective...They Will Never Understand Mine. It Just Vexes Me. If This Is Bad Luck Or What? Who's Payback Am I Suffering From? I Try My Best To Make My Parents Proud Of Me. Why Does Vain Always Come My Way  When I Have No Intension Of Causing Vain !